I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
