I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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