i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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