im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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