Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
