is wine microwaveable?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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