I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Your cock deserves a montage
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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