very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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