she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
