Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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