she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
