EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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