you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
