thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
