She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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