I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She needs sedatives and a leash
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
