my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
