I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
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