I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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