I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
