i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
