Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
