I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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