There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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