I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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