The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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