I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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