K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
