woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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