Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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