how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
