found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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