I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
