you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
