a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
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I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
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Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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