my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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