No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
