So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
