Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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