its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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