Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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