giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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