Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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