Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
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Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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