just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
