She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
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Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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