i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
