You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
