return my video game
Screwed.edu
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
