Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
