I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
