She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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