I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
