So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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