wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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