"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
