is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
