no, he came in my armpit
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
