i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize