I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
