Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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