youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
