did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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