You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
