Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
