A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
