You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize