My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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