O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There's always time for handjobs
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
