Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
