got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
