Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
