I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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