I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
